Stannis Baratheon is marching on Winterfell. Asha Greyjoy is chained up in a baggage wagon. The march starts off well enough and they make good time. Once into the Wolfswood it starts to snow which makes the going harder. The northerners fare better than the southerners but they are losing men and horses, and provisions are running low.

They press on but sometimes are only moving a mile or so a day. The northerners and southerners argue about whether they should have come. The northerners say it’s only a little snow and anyway it’s better to die fighting than to be frozen to death. They stop at a village where they can fish. In the morning they’re completely snowed in.

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Oh, Stannis, it does not look good for you. If you get to Winterfell your men will be starving and weak and all Roose will have to do is let you sit outside, starving and freezing.

It’s snowing at Winterfell. That’s good for Roose Bolton and not good for Stannis. Theon has his best opportunity to run but he’s scared to because of the game Ramsay played with Kyra. Arya is kept locked in her chamber, bruised and crying. Ramsay Bolton tells Theon he’s to keep her bathed because he wants her squeaky clean.

In the great hall, one of the washerwomen wants to know how Theon captured Winterfell. He’s too scared to tell her, fearing a trap. He wanders around the castle keeping away from others.

Lady Dustin’s men find him. She wants to see the Stark crypt. She tells him Roose isn’t happy about how sad Arya is; the northmen love Starks and they need to see her happy or they’ll break. The alliance is fragile. In the crypt they notice the three swords that Bran’s group took are missing. Lady Dustin says Brandon Stark took her maidenhead and she wanted to marry him. When Brandon was promised to Catelyn, her father had hopes of marrying her to Eddard, but Cat got him too. Then she married Lord Dustin and six months later he joined Robert’s Rebellion. He never came home. She is waiting for Eddard’s bones so she can feed them to her dogs.

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I think there’s more in this chapter than I’ve picked up on. I don’t think the singers are who they appear to be. Surely Stannis is too canny to attack Winterfell straight on – after all he took Deepwood Motte by surprise.

The missing swords are the ones Bran, Jojen and Meera took. I wonder if anyone will work that out.

Tyrion is wearing wooden armour and riding a pig in a joust. The cog that is taking Tyrion and Jorah to Meereen is becalmed and the crew is on the verge of turning nasty. The dwarves are likely to take the brunt of it.

Tyrion and Jorah argue, with Tyrion talking truth about how Jorah is trying to use Tyrion to get back into Daenerys’ good books. He reveals that he knows that Jorah was spying on her and reporting back to Varys. Jorah thumps him and says he can’t sleep in their cabin any more so he’d best go fuck his dwarf girl.

Then a storm comes up. They were told the ship would never reach its destination and assumed that meant it would go to Meereen. It doesn’t. It meant they’re going to be wrecked.

The storm lasts for ages. Tyrion stays with Penny and her animals. She tries to kiss him but he puts her off as nicely as he can. He holds her to comfort her. When the storm is over the ship is wrecked, the mast is gone, and it’s sinking. The captain is dead and so is Moqorro. Tyrion wonders if he saw that in his fires. Some of the crew take the little boats and get away.

Soon they see a sail on the horizon. Jorah says it’s a slaver.

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Tyrion’s having a bit of a riches to rags experience here, isn’t he? I’m sure it’s all character building. I like that he’s nice to Penny but he does have a bit of a white knight complex.

Is he never going to get to Daenerys? She needs him! Right now, I’m feeling like two more books isn’t enough to finish this.

Jon is sending Val north to find Tormund Giantsbane and make him an offer. He sees her past the Wall and she promises to return but won’t promise to bring Tormund back with her.

Jon returns to eat. Bowen Marsh, Septon Cellador and Othell Yarwyck want to see him. Jon asks how restoring the Nightfort is going. Yarwyck says it is going slowly so Jon offers him the help of the giant that came back with him from the woods north of the Wall. Yarwyck won’t accept. Then the three ask why there are corpses in the cells. Jon says they need to know their enemy and this is an opportunity.

Marsh, Cellador and Yarwyck complain that Iron Emmett and Dolorous Edd are being sent away and complain more about the people Jon is replacing them with – a wildling, Leathers, as master-at-arms and Satin, a boy-whore. They say these are positions traditionally given to the high born. Jon replies that he needs skills and what a man was before doesn’t matter once they’ve said their words.

Then he says they can talk about Val. They say he shouldn’t be making offers to the wildlings. Jon points out, rather forcefully, that every wildling left to die north of the Wall becomes an ice zombie that will attack them.

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And I thought Jon was just being compassionate, but no, he’s trying to reduce his enemies forces. Clever boy. And he handled the whiners nicely. Bowen Marsh is really beginning to annoy me.

Maybe Jon shouldn’t be sending his friends away though.

Ser Balon Swann has arrived at Sun Spear to deliver Gregor Clegane’s skull to Doran Martell. Arianne is present, as is Ellaria Sand and Oberyn Martell’s three eldest sand snakes. The head is delivered and accepted. There is a toast. Obara storms out. Then there is a feast. Doran asks Balon if he knows what was in Cersei’s letter; she wants Myrcella and Trystane to come to King’s Landing. Doran agrees that the children should all be friends.

Theon is giving ‘Arya’ away. In the chamber where she’s getting ready she keeps talking as though she’s Jeyne Poole. Theon is afraid Ramsay will hurt her if she is not Arya body and soul. He tells her Ramsay is sweet so long as you don’t anger him.

As he walks her to the godswood he realises that him giving her away makes it harder for any of the northern lords to question her. The marriage through the old gods is quick and the party then goes to the ruined castle for the feast. Theon hangs back and when he is alone he thinks he hears his name whispered in the trees.

At the feast he sits next to Lady Dustin of Barrowton. Lord Manderly has provided the food. She points out that Roose doesn’t eat or drink anything Manderly hasn’t also eaten. She thinks Manderly is craven. Theon is not so sure, as his sons were brave enough when they all rode with Robb Stark. A maester brings news that Stannis is marching for Winterfell, the Umbers and Karstarks are also on their way.

Roose takes his war council to another room. Theon is told to escort Arya to Ramsay’s room by Sour Alyn. Once there, Ramsay dismisses all his men except Reek to cut Jeyne’s clothes from her, tells her to get on the bed and spread her legs. He finds she is not aroused so orders Reek to use his tongue on her.

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Poor Jeyne. She’s thirteen and she used to have a crush on Theon.

More mixed messages about whether Theon has been gelded. But now we know why Roose wanted Theon to be involved. He’s lent legitimacy to this marriage.

I thought it was interesting that Roose is having his war council without Ramsay. I wonder if he will get killed in the battle – in the last Theon chapter Roose said Ramsay was no swordsman. Roose has good reasons to kill him.

The refugee camp outside Meereen is enormous and the people in it are sick. It is getting harder and harder to feed them. Daenerys takes the food herself, against the wishes of her advisors, and organises burning the corpses.

Jon wants to take six new recruits to say their words to the old gods, which means going north of the Wall. Bowen Marsh says they can swear in the sept but Jon disagrees. He takes a small force and Ghost and goes. He has manned a tower with women and is going to open several others. Some men think the women’s tower is a brothel. He gives Iron Emmett a command.

Bran is beneath the mountain learning to be a greenseer. They stay for months and Meera says Bran will never leave. Jojen is withdrawn and no one seems to understand why.

Jojen, Meera and Hodor go exploring. It is too hard to take Bran in his basket so he slips inside Hodor, who goes to his safe place while it happens. Bran feels that no one should ever know that he does this. Bran learns to take the skin of a raven and flies over the ice and snow. Summer hunts with his pack.

Eventually, Bran goes into the weirwood trees. He sees through the eyes of the weirwood heart tree in Winterfell’s godswood. He sees his father and memories of Starks going back through the ages.

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That chapter was sad and kind of creepy. Jojen is homesick. Why can’t he and the others go home? Is it too far and too cold, will they not make it? And what will Bran be able to do as the greenseer under the mountain? I’d so hoped Bran’s story would give him the chance to do something heroic; it doesn’t look like that will happen now.

It’s a nice, if disturbing, touch with Bran being unable to stop himself using Hodor, even though he knows it’s abusive and is ashamed of his behaviour.